曾志成  中時人間副刊  (2006.10.29)
                                                                               
    女同事緣越來越好,有時她們團團將我圍住,要我在鋪著地毯的走廊現場表
                                                                               
演。光是這樣還不夠,希望有天能盤坐在日本頭家頭上表演瑜伽。
                                                                               
    很多哈日族不只喜歡看日劇,到東京血拚,進日商也是哈日族夢寐以求的事
                                                                               
情。但日商可不好玩,工作壓力大工時長,吹毛求疵的事情更是一籮筐。如果以
                                                                               
為進日商可以學習偶像劇情節的日本語,那真是想太多了。
                                                                               
    當初我就是懷抱這樣不切實際的幻想接受公司面試。第一試便讓日本籍主管
                                                                                
電慘了。公司並非製造業,講求嚴密思考與邏輯訓練,面試主管的設問處處佈滿
                                                                               
邏輯性地雷,等著我踩下去。而我也實在笨得可以,立刻中計,被一連串問題窮
                                                                               
追不捨,還必須以日本語表意思辯,緊張加上氣急敗壞,差點於面試現場吐血。
                                                                               
可怕的第一試結束,折磨時間超過兩小時。
                                                                               
    面試出來,我在這棟看似雄偉的外商大樓電梯內想著,我的腦袋裝了太多感
                                                                               
性,所以不知道理性世界原來這樣殘酷。經過兩次面試,意外收到公司的錄取通
                                                                               
知,開始水深火熱的日商上班族生活。
                                                                               
    每日快速旋轉腦袋,讓我食慾大減,加班加到天昏地暗,永遠找不完做不完
                                                                               
的簡報資料,永無止境的動腦會議以及議事紀錄,疲累地回到家後,餓著肚子再
                                                                               
也不敢看NHK與日本台,有好一陣子對日本語感到反胃。
                                                                               
    某日某資深同事以電郵傳來大前研一新書《OFF學》的書摘簡報資料,這位
資深同事諷刺地說,真該叫咱們日本頭家也來讀讀這本書。日本頭家跟台灣員工
                                                                               
的職場心結,如同一般外商企業的縮版,對頭家不滿的同事常在辦公室以「台語
                                                                               
」抱怨,一旁的日本頭家儘管神通廣大,也是有聽沒有懂。
                                                                               
    大前桑《OFF學》建議的「Off」招數,比方說騎馬、越野機車與朋友在居酒
                                                                               
屋喝酒等,沒有一項是我所精通並感到興趣的。從工作壓力大的職場中解放,不
                                                                               
需如此激烈運動跟社交也可輕鬆把自己「Off」掉。
                                                                               
    當我報名健身中心,不練肌肉練瑜伽,差點跌破女同事們的眼鏡。頓時我成
                                                                               
了女同事之間的話題焦點。「哎呀,瑜伽會淫亂嗎?」「瑜伽墊會不會很髒?小
                                                                               
心得皮膚病呦!」「健身中心附設的瑜伽跟一般瑜伽課程有什麼不同?」在旁老
                                                                               
插不上嘴的男同事們以疑惑目光面露冷笑,練習瑜伽的我是不是很「娘」?
                                                                               
    下班時間不固定的我,Off之後立刻奔向健身中心地下室的瑜伽教室。穿著
                                                                                
西裝與皮鞋在夜間敦化北路上奔跑的我正醞釀情緒,美麗的公事包只是裝模作樣
                                                                               
,裡面裝的是輕便運動服與MUJI夾腳拖鞋。
                                                                               
       健身中心的重量訓練才是主流,雄性與健康意識讓雕塑身體變成一種型男靚
                                                                               
女的普世價值,但我老在健身中心嗅到一股不尋常的情慾流動。健身中心處處設
                                                                               
有落地鏡,讓人隨時都能顧影自憐。到處都是裸露身體曲線的投影,對於沒有自
                                                                               
信的人卻是一股莫名壓力。但我仍見許多挺著肚子的人在蒸氣室與淋浴間魚貫穿
                                                                               
梭,突然想起剛入會時某大隻佬教練警惕我的話︰「不努力做重量訓練,總有一
                                                                               
天你也會跟他們一樣。」但我實在不明白鍛鍊出六塊腹肌對我會有什麼明顯的好
                                                                               
處?不持續鍛鍊,六塊腹肌終究會沉沒,變成救生圈,再說,私人教練課程很「
                                                                               
燒錢」,不如試試無須額外收費的團體課程。
                                                                               
    男性走入瑜伽教室需要很大的勇氣,一些驕傲的大隻佬視瑜伽教室為男性禁

地,只在教室外偷窺,射來一記鄙夷目光,這目光顯然都將落到瑜伽教室的男性
                                                                               
身上。在健身中心,關於運動方式已成為生活風格認同選項。「重量訓練組」,
                                                                               
「瑜伽組」,「有氧組」……,在這個展示身體的舞台空間劃分清楚,相互較勁
                                                                               
。跟有氧教室的動感相比,瑜伽教室的安靜與靈性散發出神秘誘惑,瑜伽女老師
                                                                               
身材曼妙,柔軟度彰顯身體曲線,渾身性感。觀看台上瑜伽女老師示範動作,像
                                                                               
欣賞一場與身體對話的演出,如果搶得到第一排瑜伽墊,足夠讓眼睛吃上一個小
                                                                               
時的冰淇淋。
                                                                               
    但吃冰淇淋必須付出代價,這些動作經過示範,再次輪迴到自己身上。小腹
                                                                               
縮不緊,雙腿打不直,腰部彎不美,瑜伽女老師就會走過來,進行恐怖的姿勢虐
                                                                               
待。很多美麗動作的背後其實隱藏著痛苦,這正是瑜伽教會我的事。瑜伽與太極
                                                                               
皆是動作的反覆練習,讓時間訴說身體變化,身體曲線不靠硬梆梆機器鍛鍊,必

                                                                               
須仰賴身體力量,瑜伽跟游泳一樣,既孤獨又自由。我尤愛瑜伽女老師在大休息
                                                                               
時發出呢喃軟語,如催眠曲般酥軟整條脊椎與全部神經(當然,瑜伽男老師的呢
                                                                               
喃軟語也不輸給女老師)。
                                                                               
    瑜伽的自虐性在「熱瑜伽(Hot Yoga)」中發揮得淋漓盡致。高溫40度的瑜
                                                                               
伽比「強力瑜伽(Power Yoga)」更吃苦。儘管如此,給初學者的「入門瑜伽」
                                                                               
與軍隊「基本教練」沒兩樣,同一動作必須撐很久,特別是某些伸展動作經過十
                                                                               
秒鐘,自然有人從美麗姿勢中陣亡,抽筋大叫。我總是一邊做瑜伽一邊觀看身旁
                                                                               
人的臉部表情,那些貴婦歐巴桑,那些都會OL,那些短髮黝黑肌肉男,那些頭禿
                                                                               
戴老花眼鏡歐吉桑,還有我這種白天上班,晚上變身的瑜伽男。
                                                                               
    經過一個月頻繁練習,辦公型腰酸背痛已經消失,做完瑜伽後骨盆的微微刺
                                                                               
痛感,像體內正在研磨一顆珍珠,散發光澤與能量。不久我便以盤腿坐姿辦公,
                                                                               
於茶水間蹲起馬步(拜月姿),等捷運也忍不住要將頭與手向上延展(勇士姿)
                                                                               

                                                                               
    用瑜伽虐待自己的瑜伽男在辦公室到處鼓吹,女同事緣越來越好,有時她們
                                                                               
團團將我圍住,要我在鋪著地毯的走廊現場表演。光是這樣還不夠,希望有天能
                                                                               
盤坐在日本頭家頭上表演瑜伽。
                                                                               
    瑜伽是我的「Off學」。平常日傍晚逃難似地離開辦公室,迫不及待想衝進
                                                                               
瑜伽教室進行身體大解放。瑜伽教室的我不必說日本語,不需應付來自日本頭家
                                                                               
,隨時突發的邏輯大考驗,只有嗅到從瑜伽墊散發出的淡淡消毒水味,每一次優
                                                                               
雅緩慢姿勢中,進行身體對話。
                                                                               
    如果哪天晚上發現一名普通上班族在敦化北路上奔跑,趕搭285公車,別懷
                                                                               
疑,那個人就是我,請不吝惜給瑜伽男掌聲鼓勵。



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